I woke up thinking.

“I’m sorry, and I still love you”

 

” You can say sorry a million times, say I love you as much as you want, say whatever you want, whenever or however you want. But if you’re not going to prove that the things you say are true, then don’t say anything at all. If you can’t show it, your words don’t mean a thing.”

 

A little something I saw on facebook today after waking up at 4am in the morning feeling like shit.  Oh my a thousand likes and a thousand more shares. TRUE STORY. Eh just shut the fuck up.

We’ll say it a million times cause you won’t believe us. We can’t prove it cause you won’t let us. Hate a persons character, dislike their habits. These can all be changed. Do I like I still crawl on all fours? Have a thousand stuff toys? Talk to them like when I was five?

Once you have a barrier towards me as a person, you’ve done it. “Thanks for the memories.”

Then I realize…

Then I realized why I never fought back. I had nothing to fight for. My fist no longer had that burning sensation. I would take the hits and smile, laughing at the lack of strength of my opponents. Why? To show off. I would never break down physically.

Right now, it isn’t my fists that are burning. It’s my head, and it’s making my hands itch. Once you let go, I’m taking him to hell.

Be.Careful.What.You.Wish.For.Dear.

Time?Hope its n…

Time?

Hope its not too late.

Genuineness of celebration.

Today was an eventful day.

Although my videos are still stuck..

Anyway today Sim and Chow gave me a little surprise. I was being a little moody and physically tired as I was just sitting around at a playground. Having a small heart talk with Sim, I was interrupted by a familiar shout. A candle lit and enthusiastic singing. Let me try to describe this feeling. This wasn’t THAT birthday song sung every year. The tone was so genuine, filled with joy, like a celebration of your birth, instead of a celebration of your survival. No fancy presents. No 200 dollar keyboards, iPads, cash. Just a small cake, and your friends singing. Cheering, loud banging.

I couldn’t be more happy. This day, was supposed to be like every other day, just with a few more calls and text then usual. And of course Facebook post. People who remember your birthday just by Facebook reminders. On a side note, I’m not saying if you forget your friend’s birthday, you’ll be stoned to the ground. Personally, I don’t think getting reminded of a birthday is as bad as not taking the time to celebrate it with them. Celebrating your own birth sounds a little pathetic. But when people celebrate YOU with genuineness, the feeling cannot be clearly described. Getting back on track, I was supposed to be at home, gaming the day away. I don’t want to celebrate my birth. I didn’t want to be part of the recurring circle, just another new year, relatives take you out for a meal. But today wasn’t by chance, it was an effort made.

Family isn’t the blood you have, it’s the people you spend your life with. Time and tides WILL hold people together. Blood. My blood family is mostly concerned with blood, nothing less than the family name. Stopping at nothing to tear you away with the people you love and grown up with. I’ve had enough of my blood.

Today is special. My 18th birthday. No flashy celebration, no flashy gifts. Just filled with love. Painfully loving, with the genuineness in celebration of birth.

This is NOT a negative post.

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I have to keep replaying negative events in my head. It’s not that I’m a Pessimist. It’s hard to not lower your expectations.

Being a optimist hasn’t been a smooth journey. If today is the worst day of your life, tomorrow can only get better. However I’ve yet to see the worst day of my life. Sure those days were terrible and filled with regret. But they come with a preview of the years to come, and I only see further separation.

I might release the passwords to my protected post soon.. they talk about happiness. Calm happiness. Being still. Waiting it all out.

I don’t know what happens next. But I’m just waiting.

Slowly, apologetically.

I’m just sprouting rubbish as it comes along..